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A holiday and a pandemic later
I rented my apartment to a murderer

with my three cats 


Who knew I left to loose

I sow flower seeds 

Then the border opened

And it all seemed to be possible again

Asked my mother to look after
Also the cats

I did not pack my favourite underwear

Bought a new bikini
Sunscreen was expired too


I didn’t return for winter

My mother sent me pictures of the flowers blooming

I sent her pictures of my new house

My new cat

Not of my new boyfriend
Yet


Who knew I will give that murderer a second chance
Why do some flowers bloom out of season

How can there be a wrong time to bloom

Maybe it’s the wrong world they have been placed in

The black cat looked at me taunting when I closed the door behind me 

My backpack felt light

And I was excited

Most of all to leave

To arrive somewhere else

Where things will be different

I remember there was this voice
That voice we hear when we are not ready to listen
We stick to the plan
We follow our feelings

Some weeks after I will ask “Why I don’t follow my feeling”

I did!
How does everyone always seem to know which feeling to listen to
How to feel at all!

The first messages were with broken hearts and crying emojis

Then burning hearts

After a while it stopped
The bikini felt tight now
Uncomfortable with that much skin around
The screw top of the sunscreen was full of sand
And nearly empty
“Where I go there will be no sunshine” I comforted myself

And left

Everything

The lockdown made it easier not to regret
“Act of nature beyond control. A blow of fate.”
So, I believed
And with fate returned hope

After some months

A flight and a pandemic later
I rented my apartment to a murderer

with my three cats



It’s 2021

And the world is still the same

And I am at the right time

(for you)

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shower column

Who does not die with dreams has died long time before.