All the rules, demands, requirements, options, fashions, trends, stories, desires, feelings, features… reasons and ways to talk, communicate, follow, interact, add, connect, disconnect, leave, find, search, research, redefine, rebrush, reinvent, remarshal, restructure, redesire, fight back, push through, be authentic and smile… not to fall apart, but to have a place, to be what’s spared, untouched by the concept of human, but to feel understood, to have value to what surrounds us, to protect and replicate the precarious illusion of subjectivization of modern society, and deep-six the constantly necessary alienation of culture and its rituals, cults and rabble-rousers… the crippled savior humanity… what designs us incessantly, what oppresses us, what is our dungeon and reliance, to feel normal, less paranoid… an alliance of survival, human nature, a nature evolved by the needs of survival, and a history of alliances to call to order…
Imagine we would have called us differently. Would it have made any difference?
All these layers of others which are reproductions of others of others and isms and other essences and wisdoms of the human world, all these layers stick on, around, underneath inside sideless edgeless confused and disoriented and I don’t even know where it started, when it started, and where it never will finish until death… all these layers of moments, years experiences time and memories, marks and convulsions, resurrections and erections, all these traces of people I met in life, their layers perpetrating my layers… clusterfuck of layers resulting in an it, a big fat it which sits on me with its huge emunctory with me the congestion… I can’t breath!
I want to take everything away, the weight, the suffering, the pain, the screaming, more suffering, and the suffocation life… i don’t want to carve, dig, take away layer by layer to understand, I don’t need to understand, I can never understand by understanding, that would require what is behind all this layers… the unknown. Without any mysticism or romance I can name it unknown. Because I am not scared or of hope.
