When is love exclusive, romantic, strong, deep – enough to create inherently boundaries, to be the only, the one and only, the deepest, the most precious, the love you would die for. And surrender for. Accept the tradeoffs and transgressions. To be ok, and sometimes even happy.
I am not build for happiness.
I am not build for love.
I am not build to love to be happy.
Or to be happy with what I love.
I am exhausted, tired to death to fight myself and not your loves and modesty. Which makes me less mature than a kid. But I prefer the way kids love anyway.
– How can you have to learn love?
I am tired of hurting you. I am tired of hurting myself. I am tired of this person who wants you, and not. I am revolting about this motherfucking constantly-fucking-himself fucker just for the sake of being not so easy to crack by the system, by human life, by humanity. That makes sense.
I am so tired of my high expectations, who I know are brutally ridiculous wastefull and I am dumb enough fail miserably at – the end of a revolt with no follower, no audience, not even an executive to drag me to jusice. My permament overanalyzing, just because someday I decided to appear smart. My punishment, my guilt, consequently feeling guilty of embarrassement, feeling guilty of feeling guilt, not being able to accept what is, reality or not, who the fuck cares, there is only one truth, the truth of insignificance, no pattern, no solution – right? Tired of feeling not understood, which makes me in your eyes only arrogant, which makes me only question you more, not your doubts but the doubts you don´t have. And finally feeling different like all of us, hence in a wrong way and all the other anxities in my life.
So who wants to make me happy!