Had an idea. I paint the guestroom downstairs. Motivation is to decorate, to catch people´s interest, to advertise, to produce a touch of uniqueness by creating an artistique visual statement, to receive some stars and reviews, to reproduce money, to accumulate, to invest – in in in to get out, from this circle of no escape. So I started sketching the cranium walls. Something big of course. I prefer big. Creating an universe just to let the visitor feel small, small as fart fuck who we are. I imagined myself painting the walls and ceiling. Huge circles. Annual rings. Timeless history in the stretch of eternity. I estimated how many hours I need to spend to finalise this monster piece. Realising this will be extensive regarding the purpose. And there it was again, the surrender to the awareness of being a reproducer. Doing things which are just an outcome, a summary of another perspective, made of many other things being done before. I am the product. Without me my footprints are pale like running water. So maybe the creation itself is worthless, in a self cautionary way. Maybe it is the process of creating which makes a perspective moving, which manipulates but also engages the core of art. The lord of creation. Feeling the heavy duty of the crown. Feeling the need to bring this suffering to an end. Industralise the process. To let reproduce. Not to spend more time on a thing which has already been produced, in my head, larger then it could ever be copied. I could invest my time in building a machine which does noting then painting circles. Random circles, not overlapping though, but even though who cares then. Because I will have built a fucking monster of a machine! The art of creation – positive worthlessness. Of course the machine will fail as it is my creation and I am not God. It will destroy and destroy itself by trying, become part of the thing and finally end up as a signature on a wall, which ceiling is not Da Vincis´ but the apocalypse of art, the evolution of positive worthlessness. And as a next step I will fucking conquer the world!!!
