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Fuck! I´m feelin´ lonely, not in a good way. Guess it comes with the settlement, with the house, with the cats, with being somewhere and developing a specific routine for society´s sake and god´s pleasure, sunday is day off. Everything starts to evolve its right to exist. It´s hilarious! I wanna find a restaurant, where I can eat every day my soup for breakfast, after doing my workout or running, before I start working, but not later than 9. Otherwise the day´s capacity is melting like, ice cream in Cambodia.
I wanna be someone, to me, to who I am, here. A person of value. Not that it matters, that I don´t spook around as a bum, a good-for-nothing. Not that it would matter to me, finally. And I can´t alienate, yet. The setting is all there, the expat in me and the expat community outside of me. It´s like a machine, a german machine, a german angst.
Fulfill your duties, Be a good man, Assimilate! You have a reputation to loose! Don´t care about my face. – No, your reputation! Because this is who you are, what you do and did and all what matters! I am a product of my own history again, a proof of my existence, not a wanderer, a bum, a meet-for-good, a never-here. I am a reproduction of my productivity. I am a brand. I am product and I don´t wanna be a slow seller. I have to remove the dust from my masks again to protect my face.
Settlement is an epidemic plague.
I don´t wanna mean something. Not because I wanna be not responsible. Responsibility is a choice or a commitment, not a logical improvement of society´s guilt. My life is worth a death. My mind is extremely toxic wasted with conservatism and greed. That demands me guilty. Maybe this is where my loneliness arises from. I am living in a micro cosmos of work and reputation, of wrong values and a lying truth, and outside of this mutation is my beatiful house, my date, waving, with something in her hand, a bleeding chicken, I guess, the cats, fighting as mostly and all what metals my life!
Hail Positive Worthlessness!