Watching poor romantic comedy love story movies, crying my piles off.
Thinking of leaving.
Missing.
Something.
Can´t be sex, drugs – even less of both, I would be fine. Doesn´t mean I consume both on the same level of amount or equal.
Rock´n´Roll? Never liked it that much. – Metal? Since my external hard disc hit the tiled floor, blasting my iTunes library into nirvana… it´s like loosing your passport. Roooooaaarrr even worst! I am starving my ears off!!!
Anyway.
Am I bored? In a way. Daily life runs the day. The routine. The four walls concept of a overprized apartment and needlessness to leave. The immobility. The lack of being pushed to move. Too comfortable. Too easy. Gosh, I am at home!
Siem Reap during rainy season is like Berlin in winter. Not cold, but a long-term night-life experiment. Poisoning in many different ways. A habit´s wonderland. Addiction of choices and changes.
Missing intimacy.
– You weak pussy of a cotton swab!
But causing intense need to shift.
Faster.
In the grip of impatience.
Faster.
Shifting.
Between. – Tomorrow is my birthday. I always hated my birthdays. I know who will be game overed first. But can´t be the reason.
Between balance and satisfaction. Not really shifting, I more try to grab the balance.
Maybe I just feel twitchy, because I found a place to stay. Can´t stop moving. Don´t want to. What´s wrong about settling for a while. What is a while? Don´t have to know. More or less a period of life. Damn it. Doesn´t satisfy me.
In the grip of patient frustration.
Calm down. Chill out!
Teaching is fun.
Fundraising is fun.
Friends are fun.
The pool is fun.
So much fun!
Wow!
I have fuckin lots of fun!
Maybe I reached a critical or magic point, crossing on my road, after one year homeless. The principal of ups and downs. – Wow! And I have so much time to think about me, myself and I. Amazing. Incredible. Horrible.
Maybe I just have some moody days.
Missing intimacy is one of the desperate impacts when it comes to a shit like pussy swabs. Put yourself together.
No, I don´t want to. Let me be. Fucking birthdays. Maybe it is something genetic.
And Germany won against Portugal yesterday 4:0. At a german pub they served free beer for each german goal. And I was not there. Shame.
So nothing important to say, but just sayin´.
Maybe I leave to Africa.
