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3 days Bangkok. One night drinking, 2 days hangover. Raining monsters of cats and dogs. Having Pizza. Enjoying constipation. Catching the bus to Siem Reap. Arrived after 12 hours, nearly half of it on the bus and the other half for visa run and be in the queue for entering at Poipet. Between the borders Casinos and Hotels are in the spotlight. Gambling is illegal in Thailand. A strip of nowhere. Leaving the bus in Siem Reap after another 3 hours, one hour more having beers and cigarettes with motor bike driver, discussing the way to DMS Guesthouse and the price, I checked-in at the guesthouse…

At first I was overstrained. It seems that they didn´t expected me – so late. It emerged they didn´t organized a schedule for me – they just will deploy me where help is needed. I was just very excited, tried to take it easy, but still rushing in curiosity. Next day I met Savong, the Founder and Owner of the SSC. NGO, running a school and orphanage, the guesthouse is kind of a base camp. A personality, I will never forget. My deepest respect, Savong and for all the others, engaged and spunky lion-hearted members.

It´s saturday morning. Three days of working at the orphanage passed. Mostly renovating the buildings. Now are school holidays. Kind of. Also closed for election. Mr. Hun Sen, ruling the Cambodian People´s Party, won again, like the 28 years before, spoiling the country, pushing it far beyond poverty of the poor. Against the votes of the majority. Some things never change, until the heat of anger will burn their flags and setting up a long story of a mastery fail restart. Most of the population in Cambodia is under 25. Imagine! The hunger for change, the rebellious creativity, the growing desire of a fair-minded life. Just the fact, that Angkor Wat controlled by a vietnamese company, making millions of dollars from it, never will reach the holey pockets of the cambodian people.
Back to school. To the orphanage, to the muddy ground. Arriving on my first day, passing the entrance gate, jumping of the Tuk-Tuk, looking in the faces of the saved, wasn´t that shocking. You see poverty around everywhere and never-ending. And I even didn´t had time for a shock. I was taken to the kitchen, got a paint-roller in my hand and the order of a bunch of around 12-aged girls to start. “Paint!”
Painting the walls sky blue.
Creating a new horizon.
Worth to fight for.
Worth to stand up for.
Worth to defend.
Worth to smile for.
Setting a fortune.
Against corruption, the bloody signatures of oligarchies, the lobby of greedy suckers called politicians, representatives, secret agents of the industry, dumbass criminals, HATE!!! – the fact, that the world suffers because of a minority makes me always so superangry, leaving me behind desperated, espacially face to face of the victims.
But again, back to life and the daily needs. Painting. So. Started chatting. Telling me their life-stories, in the heat of the midday sun, silently repeating Fucks. – And just for a moment, fortunately a short one, I was pissed of ruining maybe my shirt, I dressed for a proper appereance; fortunately just for a short moment, you blessed kid. And I was surprised how good they are in speaking english. Of course I had to answer some questions too, and I never did it with such a pleasure. Are you married? – Why not? – Why you have this? (gesturing my beard on their chin) – Why you have this? (pointing on my tattoos) and so on.
It´s hard to collect all that smiles, yells, cryings, human wants like hugging, to be loved, in a picture and in words. As I left at the first day, taking the bumpy road – it´s rainy season! – with the Tuk Tuk back to the guesthouse, feeling my spinal discs having a party, I felt calm, in a way I can´t remember I ever had. Feeling still the weight of the kids in my arms, on my thighs the farts of 5 children like having ten mobile phones belling in my pockets, the fingers combing and binding my beard, the hands searching for help, love, acceptation, attention, for a place to be a child. And they founded that place, here, at the orphanage.

Today it´s Saturday, my day off. While I am writing these sentences, I started to cry, all the sadness breaks through. On the other hand, I miss the kids and I am looking forward to see them again on monday. I could go to the orphanage every day, but honestly, it´s hard work for me, try not to drown, exhale in this blue of emotions. Life, get out of my life! I don´t wanna exist, I wanna live!